ITSUCKS TO BE A CHEETAH

Youmay have known that the cheetah is the fastest land animal, capable of goingfrom zero to sixty miles per hour in three seconds. But did you know that thecheetah is considered “vulnerable,” meaning that the cheetah population hasdeclined to the point where it’s on the verge of being added to the endangeredspecies list? [1] Why? Despite their lightningspeed, cheetahs are not the strongest animals; they’re preyed upon by lions,leopards, and hyenas. Unlike leopards, cheetahs do not have retractable clawsso they can’t climb trees to escape their predators’ attacks; their defenselesscubs are especially likely to be devoured. And if that’s not trouble enough,after cheetahs make a kill, they’ve got to gulp down their dinner as quickly aspossible before other animals—even vultures—show up and try to steal their meal.Because cheetahs have relatively small jaws compared with other big cats, it’snot uncommon for cheetahs to abandon their food in the face of aggressivebullies, forcing them to expend the energy to hunt again without adequate nutritionalrefueling. No wonder why cheetahs are finding it so hard to survive.

Sucks to be a cheetah, right? I had no idea until Kristina Tao told me the facts I just imparted to you. I had always thought it would be sexy to be a cheetah, whizzing around like a bitchin’ Camaro, sinking my claws into flesh, luxuriating in my fabulous coat, the envy of the savanna. But as it turns out, there’s no glamour in being a cheetah; the only thing cheetahs have in common with supermodels is the eternal hunger part! It was Kristina who enlightened me and totally changed my perspective, and not just about cheetahs, but about the entire African safari experience. Hopefully, Kristina’s story will not only open your eyes and your heart and give you a fresh new perspective too.

CHOOSEYOUR OWN ADVENTURE

KristinaTao’s fascination with cheetahs and leopards started the way it does for mostpeople—from watching spectacular BBC nature programs. But while most people arecontent to commune with nature without leaving the comfort of their couches,Kristina had the desire to immerse herself in the Animal Kingdom, “where the animalswere in charge, not the humans.” A recently retired anesthesiologist andempty-nester, Kristina seized the opportunity to cross the African safariexperience off her bucket list in 2019. Her husband, Brian, was totally onboard, and he hadn’t even watched any of the BBC shows!

Afinancial engineer by profession, Brian adopted the role of “travel agent,” researchingflight and lodging information and communicating with tour companies. The Taoseventually selected a tour operator based out of Nairobi, Kenya, called Asili AdventureSafaris, that flexibly accommodated the Taos’ atypical requests.[2] Whilethe standard safari is 7 days long, the Taos extended their trip to 10 days inorder to increase their chances of animal sightings. Instead of just travelingto one country like most safari-goers, the Taos opted to visit two countries;specifically, Maasai Mara National Reserve in Kenya and Serengeti National Parkin Tanzania[3]because different types of animals live in these distinct habitats, thereby boostingthe probability of viewing a greater variety of animals. Following similar logic,the Taos deliberately chose to go on safari in August when it is “the peak ofSpring, the greenest time, when the grass isn’t too high yet, so you can seethe animals better.”

SCOUT’SMOTTO – “BE PREPARED”

Kristinaemphasized important health and safety precautions you should take before goingon safari, including a mandatory yellow fever shot, and a physician-recommendedregimen of antimalarial antibiotics starting 2 days before departure and ending1 week after return. Essential travel items in their suitcase were sunblock, brimmedhats, and plenty of mosquito repellent. But there’s 1 item no one advised themto bring that Kristina highly recommends—a face mask to prevent inhalation oftiny particles while driving along dusty roads![4]

Airfarewasn’t included in Asili’s package, requiring the Taos to arrange their flightwell in advance of their tour dates. Brian booked a flight with a Zurichlayover because there were no direct flights from the U.S. He also reserved an Airbnbthat offered transportation to and from the Nairobi airport. This way, they gota good night’s sleep before their driver picked them up the next morning tobegin their great adventure!

GLAMPINGSAFARI STYLE

Safaritourists typically behave like gypsies, moving from one tent village to anotherin pursuit of animals, and the Taos were no exception. Kristina and Brian usuallyonly stayed 1 night at each tent village, but occasionally, they stayed for 2or 3 nights in order to increase their chances of spotting certain creaturesthat were known to frequent a particular area. “But you don’t have to pick upyour tent and move it with you.” Kristina said. “The tents are permanentstructures and although they have canvas walls, you would never know it.” Canvasis an ideal material for blocking the sun and providing air flow; the zip-upentrance keeps out the mosquitos and pesky monkeys who wouldn’t hesitate to “trashyour belongings in search of food!”

Theirswanky living accommodations defied Kristina’s expectations. Roughly the sizeof a 2-car garage, each tent was equipped with modern amenities, including a king-sizedbed, double sinks, and a tile shower! “Mosquito nets over the bed were VERYimportant,” she emphasized.  Sanitaryconditions were much better than Kristina had expected too. Everything wasclean and they were provided with fresh towels and linens upon request. TheTaos made sure to leave a few dollars for their housekeepers each time theychecked out of a tent village as they would do in a hotel.

Initiallyconcerned about what the food would be like, Kristina and Brian were pleasantlysurprised to find nutritious, flavorful meals made with fresh organic localingredients. First, you were served a tasty pumpkin or vegetable soup, which wasKristina’s favorite part of the meal. Next, you could go to the buffet, whereyou could choose free-range poultry or grass-fed meat (occasionally, there wasfish or lamb), a staple such as rice, potatoes, or bread, and root vegetables. Brianwas particularly fond of the “wonderful honey on fresh bread.” Their diet wasso well balanced that Kristina never had to open the beef jerky from Costco shehad packed just in case they didn’t get enough protein. The food on Safari “wasthe ideal healthy diet people strive to achieve.” Plus, they never sufferedfrom any food poisoning or digestive troubles!

Kristinaadmitted that at first she was scared to go to sleep at night surrounded by noisywild animals! “You can hear hyenas howling in the distance and feel the heavyvibration of a male lion’s roar. What happens if they crash into your tent?”she wondered. But after a while, she got used to the creature chorus, acknowledgingthat the animals were not intruders. “It was we humans who were intruding upon theirterritory.” Eventually, Kristina and Brian got used to living with their animalneighbors so much that they actually enjoyed it. One morning, “we woke up tofind 3 gazelles grazing right beside our tent,” and another time, while walkingto the dining hall for breakfast, “we were ambushed by a monkey gang lookingfor food, which we found amusing.”

BABY,WON’T YOU DRIVE MY JEEP?

Jeepdrivers for safari tour companies hold high social status in Kenya andTanzania, not only because they cater to tourists who support the local economy,but also because they’ve got to be good at wearing many hats. Besides beingable to handle tank-like vehicles in difficult driving conditions, they’ve gotto be resourceful mechanics, tour guides who can communicate with guests fromall over the world, experts in animal behavior, and medics in emergencysituations.

InKristina’s opinion, the success of your Safari experience is largely dependenton the competency of your driver. [5]  But it is also important that you clearlystate your priorities, hopes, and fears from the outset so that your driverwill be better able to customize your adventure according to your individual preferences.Asili provided the Taos with one driver for the Kenyan portion of their tripand a different driver for the Tanzanian portion. Kristina wasn’t shy about informingboth drivers that their number one priority was to see the greatest variety ofanimals they possibly could, and that they were especially hoping to seecheetahs and leopards. Her Kenyan driver knew she was dead serious when Kristinaoffered to get up as early as 3:00 am and skip the dining room entirely to geta jump start on spotting nocturnal hunters (especially leopards) and migrators whopreferred coming out of hiding in the silent hours before the swarming jeeptraffic. Her driver told Kristina that it was too dangerous to drive into thepark that early in the morning because the roads aren’t lit and they’re terriblybumpy. But he offered to give them the earliest possible departure time eachmorning, which necessitated talking to the kitchen staff to make take-outbreakfast and lunch arrangements.

Sowhile most travelers were still snoozing, Kristina and Brian jumped into theirjeep barely before sunrise at 6:00 am, with 2 small paper bags each (one forbreakfast and one for lunch) and a thermos filled with coffee or tea. Kristinausually opted for tea, but one morning she chose coffee, which went through hersystem faster; when she anxiously told her driver she needed him to stop, hewas sensitive to her situation, saying: “We must all answer nature’s call!” andfound a parking spot that offered Kristina some privacy, or so she thought,until she realized an ostrich was standing a few yards behind her! “If therehad been a group of ostriches there, that would have been dangerous,” saysKristina, “but only one ostrich, that was fine,” she laughed. So the moral ofthe story is: choose tea!

THEPAYOFF IS WORTH THE PRICE

Kristina’s driver wasn’t joking when he said that the condition of the roads leading in and out of the national parks and the road system within the parks present challenges for drivers and passengers alike. Whirlwinds of dust make for poor visibility and can create respiratory difficulties if you inhale too much dust when your windows are rolled down; hence, Kristina’s recommendation to wear a face mask!  Huge ruts in the road created by hundreds of intersecting jeep tire tracks get filled in by tiny stones, requiring jeep drivers to cut their wheels at an angle to traverse the rough surface, producing a jarring “bump, bump, bump” effect on the passengers, especially at faster speeds. Admittedly, it’s the polar opposite of a smooth ride, but it’s well worth it, Kristina says. Jeep drivers talk to each other on the radio all day, communicating intelligence on animals’ exact locations. “Sometimes you have to drive fast in order to get up close to them before they move on,” says Kristina. “And you’re grateful your driver got you there in time.” Witnessing the great migration[6], Kristina poked her head out of the roof of her jeep so that she could get a 360 degree view, and was shocked to see thousands of animals surrounding their jeep! Awestruck, she realized: “We’re like ants to them, barely even noticeable. Because this is THEIR KINGDOM. They have their own lifestyle and social order and we humans have no control over it. We don’t matter here.”

THEHUMAN CONDITION

TheMaasai are a semi-nomadic pastoral tribe inhabiting the African Great Lakesregion whose lives revolve around their cattle herds, which they believe are agift from God.[7]Watching Maasai herdsmen by the roadside grazing their cattle in volcanic ash-enrichedsoils piqued Kristina and Brian’s curiosity, and they decided to visit a Maasaivillage. Their driver told them that lions were the greatest enemy of theMaasai because lions killed their cattle, and traditionally, a Maasai boy hadto prove his manhood by killing a lion and wearing its teeth around his neck;only then could he marry as many wives as he could afford to keep. Now, Maasaielders discourage this coming-of-age ritual due to laws prohibiting lionhunting, but polygamy is still alive and well in Maasai country because a man’ssuccess is not only based on how many head of cattle he has, but also how many childrenhe fathers. Multiple wives guarantee the likelihood of more children andgreater social status. Ironically, the Maasai hierarchy resembles that of theirnemesis, the lion, where each male rules over a pride of females and cubs.

Aftermaking a donation to the chief, whom Kristina suspected of “swallowing theirmoney,” the Taos were allowed to enter a typical Maasai house. At first, it wasso dark inside that at first Kristina could not see a thing! After her eyes adjusted,Kristina suddenly she realized there was a mother nursing a baby right next toher! “It was such a tiny room,” Kristina recalled, “maybe 5 by 6 feet across,with no windows or ventilation except for a mug-sized open hole in the roof.” Therewas no furniture, just an open fire with an aluminum pot, and 2 pieces of clothon the ground that served as a bed. Kristina felt “very sad” to witness such austereliving conditions. Kristina explained that when a Maasai woman is ready tomarry, she must build her own home by digging a ditch, setting up a circle ofsticks in the ground, adding mud to the walls, and lashing it all together.Then, she’s got to wait around hoping for a man to show up! I’m thinking I’drather be a cheetah.

WHYDON’T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?

Onthe Tanzanian portion of their tour, Brian and Kristina opted for take-out breakfastand lunch too. One morning, their driver parked so that they could enjoy abounce-free breakfast, and while Kristina was peacefully drinking her tea, shesuddenly noticed a male lion standing right next to their rear window! A lionesswas standing behind their jeep like a lookout! Kristina explained that only lionesseshunt as a team; the male’s job is to ward off potential threats to the safetyof the pride; that’s why grazing prey animals like gazelles and wildebeest don’trun scared from roving male lions.

Asit turns out, most safari tourists see lots of lions because they’reeverywhere, “like deer,” says Kristina. They really do “act like kings” and theyhave no problem having sex like no one is looking!  Near the Ngorongoro Crater, Kristina and Briansaw a pair of lions “make love” 7 times by the roadside, after which they tooktheir sweet old time crossing the road, completely stopping traffic. Apparently,the average lion copulates 30-40 times a day during mating season.[8] “Lionsrest a lot to conserve energy,” Kristina told me. No wonder they would need torest if they’re that busy getting busy!

SHEPERSISTED

Anotherday in Tanzania, while driving along a low section of road that had beenflooded due to heavy rains the previous evening, their jeep got stuck in themud! Kristina worried that they would have to get out of the vehicle, giving theanimals an opportunity to attack. Discouraged, Kristina wouldn’t have minded returningto camp if their driver would have suggested it. But what seemed like a bigdeal to her was only a minor setback to their experienced driver, who convincedKristina to keep on going, “luckily for us!” Soon after another jeep arrived andhelped them out of the ditch, they spotted 2 beautiful cheetahs! And these werenot the first cheetahs she saw, Kristina reminded me. First, there was the “feedingcheetah” she saw in Kenya. From 15 feet away, Kristina could hear the sound of bonescrunching as the cheetah chowed down. I guess the lesson here is that you’vegot to be persistent like the cheetah to enjoy the payoff.

YOUDON’T WANT TO MEET A HIPPO IN A DARK ALLEY

Drivingpast Zebras grazing on a wide flat plain at the foot of Mt. Kilimanjaro, withits snow-capped peak, they came to a riverbed lush with palm trees overhangingthe banks. Here, white birds that looked like “kind of like pelicans, and kindof like cranes[9]” were fishing while hippopotami were bathing nearby.Kristina explained that the reason why hippos are always in the water duringthe day is that they can get sunburned, and they use mud as their sunscreen!Hippopotami hang out in a group called a “bloat” consisting of one male,several females, and their babies. Although this scene was placid enough from adistance, Kristina and Brian didn’t get too close because they had already beenwarned that hippos can get aggressive towards humans who invade theirterritory. “Once, we camped by a lake where hippos grazed in the common areabetween the tents. In every tent, there was a phone so that guests could callsecurity to escort them through the common area at night,” which Kristina foundvery reassuring, because getting attacked by a hippo is no bueno.[10]

DEAFLEOPARD

Onone memorable occasion, while waiting for a herd of gazelles to show up and crossthe river, their driver heard some radio intel that prompted him to suddenly turnaround and drive so fast that Kristina and Brian had to stand up hold onto theirseatbelts. ”Brace for impact!” Kristina warned Brian,” but then they abruptlyslowed down. “Look!” said their driver, pointing to a tree about 30 feet awaywhere a leopard was sleeping like a baby on a branch. Their jeep pulled up evencloser until they were only 10 feet away! Kristina worried that the sound ofthe engine would startle the leopard, but their driver reassured her thatleopards are so accustomed to jeeps that he won’t feel threatened. Spellbound, Kristinaand Brian watched the leopard for 15 minutes, and sure enough, he didn’t seemto notice that they were there. He barely moved, except for a little leg twitch.He didn’t even open his eyes. But Kristina’s eyes were full of “tears of joy thatwent streaming down her cheeks.” Leopards are THE most difficult animals tospot in the savanna. Because they hunt nocturnally, you rarely see them by dayand when you do, their spotted coats blend into the grasses so that you canbarely get a glimpse of them. Kristina was struck with the realization that shewas witnessing something incredibly rare. Her greatest wish for her safariadventure had been fulfilled and she felt fortunate indeed!

HURRYBOY, SHE’S WAITING THERE FOR YOU

Ifyou think you’ll never get to go on safari because it’s prohibitivelyexpensive, think again! Remember that both Kenya and Tanzania are trying hardto attract tourists and the cash they pump into the regional economy, sobargain hunters can definitely find good deals. Kristina notes that the cost ofa safari tour package can vary widely, depending on the travelers’ prioritiesand the level of luxury they desire. For example, the cost of Kristina andBrian’s package was $3,720 per person, which included food and lodging, as wellas daily jeep tours. Kristina’s friend paid $20,000 more for her posh package,where “they set up a table with white linens and chilled wine,” Kristina said,“but she didn’t see any leopards or cheetahs.”

Kristinapassionately believes that “everyone who loves nature” should go on an Africansafari adventure at least once in their lives. “I highly recommend it. There’sno place else on earth where the animals are in charge and you are just anobserver,” she says. “It’s a life-changing experience that humbles you. It’sunique. There’s nothing comparable.” Kristina made me promise that I would gosomeday. Now, all I’ve got to do is find a way to turn that promise into areality. Easier said than done, but so much easier than being a cheetah!

[1] For facts about cheetahsand the survival challenges they face, see https://wildlifeday.org/content/factsheets/cheetah#:~:text=Cheetahs%20are%20listed%20as%20%E2%80%9CVulnerable,and%20Asia%2C%20they%20are%20considered%20%E2%80%9C

[2] For more information aboutAsili Adventure Safaris, see https://www.asiliadventuresafaris.com/

[3] Tolearn more about Maasai Mara and Serengeti, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maasai_Maraand https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serengeti_National_Park

[4] Remember, Kristina &Brian went on safari in pre-COVID days, before face masks for travelers becameubiquitous.

[5] Itis customary for safari tourists to offer a minimum gratuity of $100 to theirdrivers at the conclusion of their tour. The Taos were so pleased with theirdrivers that they gave each of them $200.

[6]Thousands of wildebeests, eland, zebras, and gazelles migrate from the Serengetiinto Maasai Mara from July through October, which, are the most popular monthsfor the tourists herds too. https://www.masaimara.com/great-migration-kenya.php

[7]For detailed information about the Maasai people, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maasai_people.

[8] Thiswebpage from the San Diego Zoo contains fascinating scientific data about lions,including their reproductive and child-rearing behavior. https://ielc.libguides.com/sdzg/factsheets/lions/reproduction

[9] Justspeculating, but I think these birds were yellow-billed storks. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow-billed_stork

[10]Ok, so maybe its sensationalized, but you won’t be able to stop reading thisarticle about a canoe safari guide who was unlucky enough to get attacked by ahippo. https://nypost.com/2022/03/14/a-hippo-ripped-off-my-arm-and-threw-me-around-like-a-rag-doll/